she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize