just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
