Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Randomize
