I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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