I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How external is "for external use only"?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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