I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
