I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
