I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Pants are for mortals
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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