wanna go halves on a baby?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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