your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
