marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
