i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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