Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
