just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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