Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
