chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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