i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
