Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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