my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
