I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
