I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
