You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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