If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
