so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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