He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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