My nipple is on Facebook.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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