Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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