There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
