i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
