its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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