Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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