I saw his package. It spoke to me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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