Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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