I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
