Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
