we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
