Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
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You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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