I cannot find my penis.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
babies were throwing up all over the place
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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