I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
