I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My life is pants optional.
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