Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
