So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
This is not my ceiling
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
