If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
