Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
