she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
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I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
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A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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