Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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