I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
