Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
