I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
