you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
