his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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