Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
