Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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