When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize