you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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