Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do vagina's smell?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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