Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Acid is not a monday night drug
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
