Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
