Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
