Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
