I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I party with great urgency now.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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