I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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