I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
