So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
