at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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