Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
