adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
