WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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