I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
