i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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