I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
