I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
