at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
