whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
