You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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