yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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