i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Who died my cat blue again?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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