yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
